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Gary Fjellgaard Song, "I Apologize"

"I Apologize" is dedicated to the First Nation's victims and survivors of the cultural genocide which occurred in Canada for over a century. No apology can heal the wounds caused by the far reaching effects of the residential school system. I can only add my voice as a member of the generation who allowed this abuse to take place.

But the most compelling thing in Gary Fjellgaard's life these days, is a song he wrote recently. It's taken on a life of its own. It's called "I Apologize" and was inspired by the federal government's apology last June to Canada's native people for its attempt to eradicate their culture and language through forced attendance at residential schools.

Mr. Fjellgaard said: "We were driving and listening to CBC radio and we started hearing some of the accounts from survivors, victims and their families. There was no bitterness from these people telling these stories but it was absolutely gut wrenching. We had to pull over. It was really, really moving. And I thought, damn it, I was part of that generation. I knew about it, we were aware of residential schools."

The song makes quite a statement and is available for free download at www.fjellgaard.bc.ca. Check it out. A growing number of people have and the response has been quite something, prompting e-mails throughout Canada.

From http://www.fjellgaard.bc.ca/I-apologize.php

Download this FREE mp3 here (right click the link and choose "save as")

Written by Gary Fjellgaard June 2008 © Socan
Published by Slim Creek Music July 2008 © Socan

I have this guilt / I have this shame
I have a conscience / So I have to take the blame
I stood back / I watched it all
I even helped imprison you / Behind those walls

No excuse / Is good enough
We never let you speak / Unless you mimicked us
I can’t run / I can’t hide
 Why I can’t even / Look you in the eye

No hollow prayer / No silent shout
No more empty words / Spilling from my mouth
You stripped away / My thin disguise
Now all that I can do is say / I’m sorry
I apologize

I thought that God / Was on my side
And with my righteousness / I’d tame the savage child
I would not have them / Running free
If they assimilate / They could be like me

How many can / The wagons hold
Another thousand children / I suppose
It must have seemed / Like judgement day
The anguish / As the wagons rolled away

I can’t begin / To know your pain
You can’t forgive / As long as memory remains
Through it all / You still survive
And all that I can do  is say / I’m sorry
Choking on the words that say / I’m sorry
I apologize